Alternate Reality

Rant Ahead

2009-12-15T11:16:00.000-08:00

Foster daughter is overmedicated in my opinion. She has been taking medication for ADHD since she was five years old. Her case has gotten passed around from doctor to doctor as she has moved around to different foster homes, back to mom, family members and back to foster care.

Has anyone really taken the time to evaluate the need for this medication? Mom insisted on the medication when fd was a little girl and "bouncing off the walls, talking non-stop". Could it be that mom didn't have the patience for her exuberant daughter because she was dealing with her own issues of addiction and homelessness?

About 18 months ago (after a disrupted guardianship and another move), fd was having sleep issues so the doctor prescribed more medication. Then she started having hallucinations and hearing voices which the doctor determined was a side-effect of the ADHD medication. So the nighttime medication was changed to an anti-psychotic drug used to treat bipolar disorder in adults.

Neither of these drugs are covered by her insurance so "prior authorization" is required periodically from the doctor. The pharmacy is rude and unhelpful and there is always a lapse in medication because neither the pharmacy nor the insurance company care if someone misses medication. And, by the way, you can't just buy a few day's worth of pills while you are waiting for the authorization. And you can't determine ahead of time when the new authorization will be needed. And even if you could, you could not get the pharmacy to submit the request early so you could get it back in time.

This makes the social workers very unhappy since it means more paperwork for them what with having to file an incident report for all the missed medication. This means more lectures for us on the importance of making sure that medication is dispensed according to the doctor's instructions.

What is really amazing is that all of these headaches are because of ADHD medication that only stays in fd's system for 4 hours. Not enough to last through the whole school day, let alone through homework, chores and bedtime routine.

Is this really necessary?

Phantom Pain

2009-12-07T11:19:00.001-08:00

I dreamed last night that my grand-nephew was sleeping in my arms.

Oh, how I miss that.

The Middle

2009-12-02T16:41:00.000-08:00

As The Boss squeezed between me and Ana on the couch I told him to please be still if he was going to sit in the middle.

He replied in hushed tones, "Okay....but, mom, that's a bad word!"

Me: "What? What is?"

Him: Whispering, "Middle."

Me: "Why do you say that?"

Him: Still whispering but with a goofy I'm-about-to-be-naughty grin, "You know because of...." he said, pointing to his middle finger.

Oh my gosh. He's such a hoot.

Downsizing

2009-11-28T20:27:00.000-08:00

It definitely felt like we were in an alternate reality today when we walked into Killer Pizza From Mars and ordered only one "Family Meal" and nobody had to share. For the past five years we have had to order 3 of the four-person meals and even then sometimes we had to split salads and buy extra drinks.

Yesterday we took the kids to the movies and could still afford to buy some popcorn. The last time we went to the movies, we took up an entire row.

Four years ago we drove both an SUV and an eight-passenger van and every seat was filled. Today we can fit all the kids in a sedan and the SUV has an empty row.

Every person in our house finally has their own bedroom. We actually have enough room for everyone to sit together on our only couch but we can barely reach each other when we join hands around our large dinner table. Our 3000 square foot house seems absurdly huge now (to us anyway...we still have 3x as many people living here as the previous owners!).

We have so much more space--and time--now. This is the longest we've ever gone without filling that space up again.

Secrets

2009-11-18T21:19:00.000-08:00

Why is my girl so compelled to withhold the truth even when it seems completely obvious and not even all that bad? I usually have figured out what is really going on way before she lies to my face. Asking only confirms because she is such a bad liar. I'm pretty good at reading signs (and My Sp*ace...it is public, after all, not a diary) and I don't usually get taken by surprise. But what's with all the secrecy about every little thing? Maybe it's a control thing or something. Maybe she thinks I'll disapprove or ask questions or try to give advice or in some way actually try to be a part of her life. Who knows? I do know that all of her relationships and activities outside of this house are what she considers her "real" life and she shrouds it all in secrecy and doesn't let any of us in.

Headcounts No Longer Needed

2009-11-16T22:10:00.000-08:00

Quiet days here with so few kids in the house. Sorta-adult daughter is often gone so it's just the middle girls and The Boss hanging around most the time, although Lucky is gone to her mom's almost every weekend. Seems weird to be planning the holidays knowing only two kids will be at home. But on the up side, we are nearly done with Christmas shopping with a lot less strain on the budget than we normally experience.

Squeaker hasn't had a major blow-up for several weeks which is great. Most of the eye-rolls and snorting I'll just chalk up to "normal" fourteen-year-old girl attitude. Still some big concerns with both girls over their dishonesty combined with extremely poor judgement. Lots of supervision is required at all times which they appreciate less and less as they get older. Lucky will be thirteen next month and Squeaker fifeern in February. Still, they cannot stay home alone even for a few minutes, cannot be dropped off anywhere, and absolutely under no circumstances can they ever be left alone with the Boss even if we are in the next room. This makes it a bit challenging for us to make an escape for a kidless evening. It is fairly easy to find a babysitter for a kindergartener but much less so for middle and high schoolers especially with all the extra cautions and caveats. (except when oldest niece is available for teen-watching....she's the bomb!)

We're looking forward to lots of free and low cost holiday activities in our small town. Such a kick to find so much to do since we are pretty content with simplicity and low tech entertainment.

A Slap in the Face*book

2009-11-14T08:43:00.000-08:00

I got "unfriended" on FB by my own kid. Kind of amusing.

If I didn't buy groceries, make food, give rides, provide a bed and a roof, pay for hot water, electricity, heat and A/C, I'm sure I wouldn't be on the radar at all.

Do I Look Stupid to You?

2009-11-13T23:55:00.001-08:00

I surely must to the kids. They lie or at least omit the truth and really, truly think that I don't know it. It's so weird, I don't even get it. Maybe I'm just too sequestered in my own crazy little foster care world and I'm somewhat jaded and cranky by this time, but I find it unbelievably annoying. It's almost like part of a shared culture that they bring with them.

I really do think the most irritating thing about it is that they think that I'm dumb enough to believe them. Yes, I do make it about me far more than I should.

Pete and Repeat

2009-11-12T00:02:00.000-08:00

Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete jumped out. Who was left? Repeat. Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete jumped out. Who was left? Repeat. Pete and Repeat were in a boat...

Why don't I just make a recording of myself saying the same things over and over? For the sake of those with brain disorders living under our roof, our days are very structured, reeking of routine and tediously boring repetition. So how come no one can remember to even brush their teeth without being told?

Sheesh.

Missing

2009-10-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

Stuff goes missing around here all the time. All kinds of stuff. Cheap stuff, expensive stuff, food stuff. The most recent missing items are a necklace, eyeliner, and some money.

The funny thing is that the adamant deniers are, of course, the ones who get busted (or blamed) for stealing all the time. They steal from each other and also very willingly throw each other under the bus when something comes up missing.

Lucky has been accusing Squeaker of stealing a necklace for weeks. Why she feels the need to keep confronting her about it with no evidence knowing that Squeaker can be meaner than a rattlesnake on a griddle is completely beyond me.

Lately, circumstantial evidence pointed to Squeaker as the snitcher of some money from someone's purse. She cries and denies but her history does not help her. She says, "But it's just that---HISTORY!" to which I can only answer that it is by no means ancient history; it is all too recent.

Last night, Squeaker stood in Lucky's doorway and loudly accused her (how else to tattle?) of taking her eyeliner. When I asked Lucky about it after sending Squeaker away she said, "She always accuses me of taking her stuff." Yes, just the same way you always accuse her of taking your stuff. Nice relationship.

When I followed up with Squeaker I told her that she had no evidence that Lucky took it just like it cannot be proven that she took the money. That's the end of it. Don't bring it up again.

Sometimes we recover stuff, sometimes we don't. And that's how it goes around here. If you want to keep it you better hide it, lock it up, or don't bother bringing it into the house at all.

Party Like the Angels

2009-10-14T17:04:00.000-07:00

The Boss and Lucky have been attending AWANA Club at the church where their favorite VBS of the summer was held.

Lucky basically uses it as a time to chase her friends around the parking lot but it has been a cool experience for The Boss as he is very goal driven and loves cranking through the book to win badges and awards. Pretty darn cute. He is in the "Sparks" group and has thus far memorized John 3:16, 1 John 4:14, Psalm 147:5, 1 Corinthians 15:3, and 1 Corinthians 15:4.

I'm amazed at his ability to memorize a verse each week along with the concepts that go along with it, at least on a kindergartener's level (i.e. sin is the bad things we say, do, and think; perish means to be separated from God forever, etc.) He is at this very moment hounding me to iron-on the new hang glider badge he earned last week onto his vest for tonight.

Best of all, he has been given more advanced language to talk about the things of God and I had the happy privilege of praying with him a few weeks ago as he trusted Jesus as his Savior.

Party on all of Heaven!

Thanks for the Heads Up

2009-10-12T16:48:00.000-07:00

It's weird to find out MAJOR news about one of your kids from their status on My Space. I'm not really supposed to know it but I do tend to use whatever little ways I can to keep informed although I know my place is only on the fringe of a secret life.

When I actually am allowed to be let in on the secret directly, I'll bet you ten bucks it'll be delivered in a text message.

Where Am I? Oh, Here I Am...**

2009-10-11T16:48:00.001-07:00

It's semi-official with some precincts still pending...we have had one of the wackiest summers on record and that's saying something for us. The wackiness promises to continue for some time. We'll cope and adjust as always, of course, but who knew situations and people would go so crazily askew from what they were just six short months ago? Naturally, we're catching the blame.

I think our blogging hiatus is over as there is so much going on it's hard not to spill it out somewhere. This blog is public again so feel free to refer former readers back if they would be interested.

We've been taking advantage of all the free activities a small town has to offer: harvest kick-off, community theatre, free museum days, vacation bible school, movies and activities at various churches around town. Yesterday we went to the annual open house at our main fire station. The Boss sprayed a firehose, we got grit in our eyes and snowcone when the Mercy Air helicopter took off and we watched hunky firefighters crunch open a car. Everywhere you go in a smallish town you bump into people you know and yesterday was no exception, as the open house was kind of the "thing to do" for the day.

Afterwards we attended a free piano concert at the library next door and then walked around downtown until we found a new mexican restaurant to try. With only Lucky, Squeaker, and the Boss around most of the time now, our outings have been mostly pleasant. Squeaker always has some drama or attitude to take care of but for the most part it's all good. Ana even took us out to her driving route to work so we could catch some air over the huge rollercoaster dip in the road out beyond the dairy farms. No kidding, like fifteen dairies on her way to work. We count green tractors and sing the "Big Green Tractor" song. Rural hicks all the way by now.

Many more updates from the summer but I'll spread them out so you can catch up a bit at a time if you so desire. Meantime, your continued prayers are much appreciated for the older crew of teens as many life choices face them which, unfortunately, they often seem ill-equipped to make.

**Peter Lorre in "Arsenic and Old Lace", 1944.

One Year Anniversary

2009-07-02T21:54:00.000-07:00

One year ago today was Squeaker's adoption day. Since she is well-known as the "human calendar" able to count fowards and backwards and sideways from any date which is important to her, she has been anticipating the day since July 3, 2008.

We went to Sonic for ice cream, just me and her which made her endlessly happy as she always wants to do things with just the two of us. The Sonicteers forgot to put the ice cream in the drink I ordered which was a bit disappointing and when I tried to reorder the right thing, they never came back with it. Oh well, it was Squeaker's day and she was happy.

She went to a pool party at the youth leader's house and made some new friends in the high school group. This is a big step for her since usually I am cautious about allowing her to go to events because she tends to be a bit over the top behavior-wise.

Afterwards she was hyped and happy but later snottily unpleasant about chores. I just kept adding them on until she was able to do them with a less grumpy demeanor. It didn't take too long so altogether a pretty good day for her.

Gratitude

2009-06-28T17:56:00.000-07:00

We've been mulling over the topic of gratitude lately. We've seen the lack of it a great deal over the years in caring for foster children both from birth parents and older kids and teens. That's okay, we can deal with that. We're not in it for the thanks or gratitude (or the "money"....just for record).

What is bewildering, however, is not the lack of it from time to time but the total opposite of it. When you have given of yourself and made sacrifices for the benefit of someone else and yet despite all that you have given the receiver/taker turns things around and not only blames you for their problems but piles on accusation of harm, well, it's a bit of a shock every time.

Recently we read an interesting book by Robert Emmons entitled Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier which nailed this phenomenon exactly.

From his book, "Ingratitude is not the same as forgetfulness, or what I am calling "nongratitude". The main difference between the latter two is that in cases of nongratitude, the person fails to do something---fails to respond to a gift with an appropriate feeling and display of thankfulness. Nongratitude is essentially forgetfulness.**Whereas nongratitude is an omission, an absence, a type of forgetting, ingratitude is the presence of something negative. It is a form of punishment. When a person is ungrateful, they respond with hostility, resentment, or in some other way choose to willfully disparage the gift and the giver.**Failing to acknowledge gratitude is not morally equivalent to responding to another's benevolence with hostility and resentment."

Emmons describes gratitude in two parts, "First, gratitude is the acknowledgement of goodness in one's life." and "Second, gratitude is recognizing that the source(s) of this goodness lie at least partially outside of self."

Why are some kids grateful and some kids hostile? I'm sure there are a multitude of reasons and each of our kids, obviously, has come from a difficult past. It's hard for many of them to move on from what they lost in order to be grateful for all they have been given. Some will not acknowledge the help they have received preferring others to think they have done it all "on my own."

We have definitely found that those who are grateful are much more able to accept their situation, move on, forgive, and take responsibility for their own problems. They are more likely to give back, contribute, and show affection. One cannot demand gratitude from a child/teen and it seems self-serving to do so but the fact is that those who are able to count their blessings more than their resentments are likely to be far happier and more successful in relationships and life.

Some Day When The Kids are Grown and Gone...

2009-06-26T14:30:00.001-07:00

...we'll get to finish our own sentences.

Disappointment

2009-06-24T21:12:00.000-07:00

Squeaker was supposed to be picked up today by her younger birth sister and sister's dad to drive down the coast and go to the beach like they "used to do when they all lived together."

She ran half of the way home from summer school so she would be ready when they arrived at 2:30pm. He always runs a late so I didn't worry about it when he was not here by 3pm even though Squeaker was opening the front door repeatedly so she wouldn't miss them.

By 3:48pm I went out to check on the status of things and Squeaker was a squashy, weeping mess. I told her to go ahead and give him a call to find out what was up. When she got off the phone she said tearfully, "They're not coming." Sister's dad has some physical ailments and is often in pain, as he was today so he couldn't make the long drive.

I feel bad for the guy....but for goodness sake's, fella! You couldn't pick up the phone and let her know you weren't coming before she spent an hour and half with her eyeball glued to the peephole waiting for you? This is his second no-show for a visit. It makes my blood boil that he would be so inconsistent and inconsiderate to my poor kid who has had rejection and disappointment enough.

I reminded Squeaker about our previous talks about not putting too many expectations on her birth family. I could only let her know as matter-of-factly as possible that I knew she was disappointed and I was sorry that the outing was called off, knowing that if I gave it too much attention she would blow it up into a huge drama bringing up every hurt ever done to her.

Still, I'd like to smack that guy upside the head.

Father's Day

2009-06-21T23:06:00.000-07:00

Father's Day can be a difficult day for our kids...another painful reminder of what they missed out on, what should have been.

We took our bunch to church this morning and, as the pastor started his message entitled "God is Our Father", I glanced down the row. Not one of the six kids at church with us has grown up with their father. Most of the children we have cared for through the years have not had fathers.

Lucky cried through most of the church service and out into the parking lot. There's not much I can do for her except hold her and tell her I know how hard it is for her. I tell her that God is her Father and He will never abandon her. For some pain, there is no earthly comfort. Her wounds are deep and her feelings of rejection and abandonment define how she sees herself and how she views the world.

Recently, she participated in an author's fair at school. Her story was about a princess (whose name is a shortened version of her own name) and a guy (whose name is the same as her "crush" at school) at a ball. The first part of the story was a blatant rip-off of Cinderella and Snow White but the ending was original:

"Then something happened to her after that night. She appeared in a garden near the castle. She tried but she could not go back to the castle because her evil dad would not let her in. He was saying, "You are not my daughter. You are a fake." So she went back to (the guy). She asked if she could live with him and he said, "Yes." (The guy) and (the princess) lived happily ever after."

Daughters need their dads or they may end up like this princess, running to another man to provide what they are desperately needing. I can't change the beginning of Lucky's life. Her father abandoned her. That is part of her story. But the ending can be rewritten because God has promised to be a Father to the fatherless. He will not sit on His throne and turn her away. Instead, when she turns to Him, He will be filled with compassion and, like the father of the prodigal son, will run to her, throw His arms around her and kiss her.

And they will live happily ever after.

Our Little World

2009-06-21T09:58:00.000-07:00

Squeaker had a rough start to the weekend on Friday night. Lucky had a little end of the year party with a few friends then we took the middles and The Boss to get a pizza to take to the park. Squeaker got into a minor spat with The Boss and then would not let it go, back-talking and noncompliant all evening and into Saturday morning. I took her for a walk on Saturday to talk about how she is choosing to heap consequences upon herself by letting small incidents turn into full-blown temper tantrums. She is in the third week of minimal privileges which started out by her being annoyed that I called her in to do chores and ended with name-calling, door slamming, destruction of property, and violent throwing of heavy objects. The walk and talk seemed to help with conduct and demeanor improving for the rest of the day.

Her stepdad and birth sister stopped by in the afternoon and I allowed her to be outside and play for a while. Her sister will come back today to go to church with us and spend the day. She and her dad are moving out of state in the beginning of July so I expect high emotions when we say our good-byes tonight.

The bigger kids have been making themselves scarce and hardly talking to us when they are here so it's been a relatively quiet weekend apart from The Boss lamenting that he has nobody to play with any more.

What's On Your Mind?

2009-06-19T22:18:00.000-07:00

I'm "on" Faceb**k but I rarely check in. The main reason is that reconnecting with old friends and family and reading updates makes me realize that I don't lead a very "normal" life. Sometimes I feel quite envious. Also, I don't get the whole Twitt&r thing. The minutiae of my life doesn't even interest me all that much. I can't imagine why anybody else would read it.

Of course, this blog was created primarily as a survival tool, aptly named since it's here that we unload the stress of the daily snarks of life with older kids who come with loads of "history". Often, negative? Well, yes because this is where we dump the negativity around us with some snark of our own which we attempt to withhold from the actual real life encounter.

For example: Squeaker talked back tonight in a totally rude, disrespectful tone. I told her, "You may not speak to me like that." She replied, "Why not?....the Bible says we're all created equal." Actually, dear, that's the Declaration of Independence. BUT SEE? I didn't actually say that last part out loud. I sucked it back and saved it for here.

Okay, if that is my greatest accomplishment today it's not much to brag (or "tweet") about, I realize.

And all that rambling was just to say...I learned on FB that an old friend of ours just started a great family website called Twigable which focuses on things that are positive and praiseworthy. It's geared for "normal" folks so if you are one or used to be or hope to be, for goodness sakes click away from this cesspool of negativity check out her site here.

The Little Black Dress

2009-06-18T17:07:00.000-07:00

Last summer, Lucky's grandma bought her a little black dress. Grandma asked Monica if she thought the dress would be appropriate for church. Hmmm...well, not our church. Maybe for a cocktail party but not for a (then) 11-year-old to wear to church.

Lucky brought the dress home. She wore it for Halloween with a pair of black wings. She asked to wear it to school. No. She asked to wear it to a party. No.

No. No. No. No.

It's not appropriate for school. In fact, I can't think of a single place where that dress would be appropriate for a twelve-year-old. Those were my exact words last week when she asked if she could wear it to school not once but TWICE.

Yesterday, she called her friend to RSVP to her 10th birthday party. She spoke to the girl's mom and, after hanging up, said, "Her mom told me I'm supposed to wear a black dress." (Ri-ght.) "Hey, I have a black dress."

Um, no. Again.

You've Gotta Be Kidding

2009-06-18T09:57:00.000-07:00

Squeaker left the house this morning to walk to summer school before I got downstairs to give her meds. I had to jump in the car and intercept her. She was wearing a shirt that was not hers and decidedly not dress code or allowed by me either. She had to come back to change clothes and, of course, take meds. I have to watch her swallow them since I found she had stashed some in a dresser drawer instead of taking them.

She tried to argue every which way that the spaghetti strap shirt was allowed (No...even if it wasn't several sizes too small) and that she did wait for someone to give her meds. She is not allowed to leave the house without permission, without taking meds, or without checking in with me or Ana to make sure she is appropriately attired. I told her that she knew her actions were wrong and to stop trying to justify it. Her response, "Like I AM?"

She needs a dictionary or I need to stop using big words, I guess.

Gasping

2009-06-17T21:51:00.000-07:00

This week has been difficult. The ragged hole left by the unexpected departure of a child that we love from our home without even so much as a good-bye is crushingly painful. The Boss kept saying, "Can you please not cry anymore?" but I can't help it, overwhelmed by the grief of loss and the cruel circumstances under which it occured. Yet another reminder that we have given years of our lives to love and care for other people's children without any rights or regard given to preserving the relationship and bonds we have created minute by minute, day after day as we nurtured, hugged, played, comforted, disciplined, taught, and loved. We're left holding the short end of the stick again after being smacked in the face with cold indifference and staggering ingratitude.

Painful Partings -- Past and Present

2009-06-16T09:22:00.000-07:00

I came across this letter that I wrote in pre-blog days and thought it would be a good time to post it as I am now in the midst of fresh grief with the loss of another child.

Although we will continue to see him, the loss of daily interaction with him has left a painful void. The circumstances of his departure, without the chance to hug him and say good-bye, have added to our grief. The fact that there is no acknowledgement or even recognition of our attachment to him or his attachment to us has made this hurtful as well as painful. Instead, our love and care and commitment to him have been deemed not good enough.

Whatever the reasons and however hard it is for us, I cannot argue that this move is the best thing for him. So, to our little guy: I love you and I will miss seeing you and hugging you every day but I want you to know that you are our family and that is forever.

And to my baby girl:

Dear Diana,

I wish that you would always know that I love you more than life. You are so precious to me...I wish I could tell you that every day. I hope you know that I did not reject or abandon you although I'm sure that's what it felt like when the only mommy you knew put you in a stranger's arms and walked away forever.

I wish you could know how much that hurt me...that I wanted to hug you and hold you and never let you go. A part of my heart went with you that day and I will never be the same again.

I wonder if you are happy. Do you smile and laugh and talk? Does your new mommy know that noses beep and that palms are for kissing? Does she know how to make bubbles dance? Does she wonder why "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" makes you cry or why cows say "meow"?

My heart holds a part of your life that you will not remember and I will never forget. When I am feeling sad and lonely for you, I cry when I remember that, for a short time, I was your whole world and now your world doesn't have even a memory of me. But they are selfish tears, I suppose, because you were never mine to keep and hold.

Maybe you are back with your birth mommy, maybe you are with a new forever family or maybe you are still with a foster family. That is something I will always wonder but never know. I can only trust you to God's care and keeping and pray that you are safe and that you are loved.

It was my honor and joy to be your mama for just a little while. To see your first steps. To hear your first words and your beautiful laugh. If you don't remember me, I hope, deep down inside, that you will remember that you were loved, cherished and protected in my arms and that your Father in heaven loves you and will never abandon you.

Summer

2009-06-16T08:25:00.000-07:00

It's not really feeling like summer around here. It's been unusually cold which we have been enjoying especially since only five plants from my garden succombed to the heat before things cooled down. That's not all that impressive though since I hardly planted anything this year. We are daring the weather with another planting hoping the late starters will have a chance to establish before our usual hot desert summer realizes that it overslept.

High school, middle school, and elementary school graduations under our collective belt, we'll spend a busy few months helping the kids prepare for the next phase of their lives.

Squeaker starts summer school tomorrow. She has been handling the last few weeks of minimum privileges beautifully. What're a few snorts and eyerolls among friends? I'm very happy with how she has been able to pull it together and comply with the restrictions she so clearly earned. Fewer choices and freedoms actually do make it easier for her to maintain control of both her anger and her giddiness so I'm hoping when we let out the tether a bit next week she will continue to be pleasant and cooperative.

The older teens are all on job hunts (or should be). Not only do they need their own spending money but they need to get out of the house doing something productive so I'm happy to drive them wherever they need to go in the quest for employment.

The task remains to find somewhere for Lucky to get out and have something to do. Our "new" town does not have the resources that we were used to before our move so it can be a challenge to find suitably enjoyable and appropriately supervised activities.

I pulled The Boss' second wiggly tooth so today we are off to the store to buy the Stargate action figure he has been saving for. Yes, I know I am raising him to be a sci-fi geek like his mommy, what's your point?

No lazy days of summer around here. Everybody get out and get busy!

BTDT Too

2009-06-15T17:05:00.000-07:00

Lots of stressful, sad stuff going on that I cannot blog about but in the midst also some answers to prayer.

Veteran adoption blogger Cindy has experienced the same on more than one occasion and through her stories, I am at least not shocked or unprepared to be facing it too. A snatch from her always-enlightening blog today:

"...not only is there rarely gratitude, you'll be lied about by the very ones you've chosen to help. She called it character assassination and she's right on the money. BTDT. It certainly sucks and makes one question why so many deeply painful sacrifices end up being so sadly unrewarding. Usually it's just a big ole OUCH. And life goes on. And on."

I have faith that down the road we will see the reward. Until then....OUCH.

We Live, We Love, We Forgive and Never Give Up

2009-06-15T13:38:00.000-07:00

First Lost Tooth

2009-06-04T22:23:00.000-07:00

The Boss lost his first baby tooth today just in time to show Grandma and Grandpa....not the tooth which will be much to Grandma's relief, just the empty socket. The Tooth Fairy comes tonight. The Boss was not thrilled with the idea of the Tooth Fairy rooting around under his pillow while he was sleeping (she wasn't too thrilled either) so we decided to tape it to the door with a big sign so she'll be sure to find it. The Boss worded the sign himself. It reads, "Right There!" with a big arrow down.

Incidentally, we tell him that the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus are pretend just for fun characters, but he insists they are real and keeps trying to convince me. I think the characters from Lord of the Rings are real so who am I to say?

I've been pestering him to work that tooth out because his big snaggly adult tooth already decided to appear right behind it. Same for his other bottom tooth but it's pretty close too. Perfect timing since he has almost enough money for the toys he's been saving up for.

History Repeats

2009-06-02T20:45:00.000-07:00

Last night Squeaker came down to dinner chipper and chatty. I was still not feeling too friendly but I nodded and said "Mmmmhmmmm" a lot and we got through the meal. She told a story again about how she broke her arm on the playground while living in a group home. When her birth mother showed up for a visit she became incensed and screamed at the staff, upsetting Squeaker and was asked to leave. I remember this story from reading her case file and the staff noted that it was very traumatic for her.

Today has been a calmer much more cooperative day. When she realized the full magnitude of the consequences she had earned, I expected more outbursts but she handled it okay. I mentioned to her that when she had told the story about her mom it reminded me of her tantrum earlier that day saying, "That's what it looks like when an adult loses self-control." Sadly, that was a very typical response for her birth mom to resort to screaming, belittling, and abuse.

That is why we are working so hard on this, constantly pounding the concepts of self-control and responsibility, while she is still a kid. Losing even weeks' worth of privileges now is minor compared to what she will lose when she is an adult if she cannot learn to control her anger and take responsibility for her actions.

I asked her if she knew what her mom had lost as a result of letting her rage control her. The answer was obvious to us both: she eventually lost all of her children, her family, her job. That is not what I want for Squeaker and not what she wants for herself.

I know that the rest of her "house arrest" will not be so calm and introspective, but I can only hope she will learn enough from her history to take measures to give herself a better future.

"I Can't Believe it's Not Better"

2009-06-01T17:54:00.000-07:00

In a world where improvement is often counted in minutes and a hectic day or a minor expectation can set of a maelstrom of violent reaction, better has turned to worse in a matter of an afternoon.

Leaving the older kids downstairs while Ana was out and I was laid up with painkillers and ice on account of a bursitis-y elbow (which I do not recommend....yowzer) was the impetus for Squeaker to careen out of control into smart-mouthy non-compliance.

I brought her in to do her chores and she flew off the handle because Ana had already vacuumed her room and she couldn't use the new vacuum (yes, it is that cool). Unfortunately for her she also called me a nasty name on her way up the stairs earning her a "benching" tomorrow and thus no youth group.

Door slamming, throwing heavy ojects, profanity, name-calling, kicking, ensued resulting in three holes in the walls and two in the closet door as she built up to more than three weeks worth of lost privileges (one day for every profanity, one day for every minute out of the room, and two days for each damage to property).

She also kicked me when I encouraged her to sit with a firm hand on her shoulder. Not sure what we'll do about that yet except call the cops if she attacks anybody else.

Possibly time to rethink meds.

Better

2009-05-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

A much improved day yesterday. Finally, one whole day of appropriate interaction with everyone in the house.

We did have to have another conversation about sneakiness since she keeps wearing clothes to school that she is not allowed to wear and trying to hang out with a certain boy without permission or supervision.

Side note: Why do the kids continue to think we can't figure things out? We didn't just fall off the turnip truck although we don't always tell them everything that we know about what they're up to. On occasion we've joked that the whole place is bugged and under video surveillance which is actually not true (or is it? okay, no, not really) but we do make a point to know what goes on in our house.

Anyway, I'm happy for the turnaround and hope it lasts through today and Saturday detention tomorrow.

Day Two is a Bust

2009-05-28T11:28:00.001-07:00

If Squeaker had managed (or bothered) to treat members of the household with even a speck of respect she would already be back to full privileges. As it is, she keeps resetting the clock by her snarky attitude and mean comments.

She started off reasonably well yesterday with only one small correction about her tone but by late afternoon she was off to the races again. She started in on the Boss again, repeatedly calling him a stupid baby until Ana asked Lucky to take him outside. That made her mad enough that she just would not shut up or stop rattling abusive names and chanting trashy rap songs.

I left Shorty cooking dinner and took her upstairs. I tried to talk to her but that was a complete waste of time resulting only in F-words and "I hate yous" (from her, not me). She also told me that she is going to become anorexic just to show me that she can, angry that I consider her threats to be attention seeking. She told me not to set a place at the table because she's never going to eat with us. Thirty minutes later she was at the table eating and dishing up seconds.

When I left her up in her room to cool down and be away from the others, she shouted names out the window at the Boss and a neighbor boy.

That window now has a lock on it so she cannot open it.

Another opportunity to take a fresh shot at it starts at 4 o'clock when she gets off the bus.

Try, Try Again

2009-05-27T09:59:00.000-07:00

After Squeaker's extreme meanness and disrespect on Monday, she lost all privileges until she can go two days showing respect to every person in the house.

Yesterday did not go well. Luckily, she has today to try again. She did earn an extra day for behaving extra rudely instead of turning things around.

I sat with her yesterday at the table while she kicked furniture, threw her stinky socks at me, cussed, complained, undressed, and sang skanky songs. I just cranked up my iPod and tried to ignore most of it. She had to sit with nothing to do for a half hour after she threw her backpack and math book but then she got busy on homework and got one missing assignment done.

She had another flare up at bedtime and went to bed hollering rudeness thus resetting the clock on her "going three days without being mean and disrespectful to anyone in the house" consequence.

It seems so simple but for her is so difficult to accomplish.

That Happened

2009-05-26T00:30:00.002-07:00

In what turned out to be a crummy end to an otherwise nice holiday weekend, Squeaker flipped out right before bedtime and launched into an hour's worth of backtalk and nonsense babble.

Unfortunately she is again demonstrating the fact that she is not ready for privileges that a normal fourteen year old normally enjoys. Last night a neighbor girl spent the night. When Squeaker has friends over, for whatever reason, it increases her rudeness and meanness to the other kids in the house especially towards Lucky and The Boss.

Tonight, while complaining that she's "not allowed to do anything", she also stomped, slammed, called me names, threw stuff at The Boss, mimicked him and called him "stupid" and "crybaby", and talked and sang loudly to herself when I finally parked her on a bench downstairs.

It is true that such immature, out of the blue, off the wall reactions do mean that she's not allowed to do much without supervision.

I wonder what it would be like to parent a "normal" teenager. I really have no idea.

Style

2009-05-22T08:26:00.001-07:00

Squeaker just left for school looking for the second day in a row like she just crawled out of a hamper. Rumpled baggy shirt with rumpled athletic pants and uncombed bedhead.

She keeps shrieking at me that I always say something about her clothing. I do have a thing about telling her to put on a belt. I don't say "Crack Kills" like some other people in the house.

I think she's daring me to comment. I tried to bite my tongue but I did ask pretty nicely if today was pajama day.

It Doesn't Hurt To Ask

2009-05-21T22:32:00.000-07:00

I guess that was Squeaker's philosophy when she asked if tomorrow, instead of taking the bus, could I just take her to school when I go in for her transitional meeting. At 11:30.

Let me think hard about that. Um, NO. No, not really.

Stony look. Stomping. Door slam (twice). "Leave me alone!. Get away from me!"
I'm not sure that she was expecting anything different on that one.

Meanwhile, The Boss is earning quarters like crazy by picking up someone else's toys whenever they are left out at bedtime. He counts his money every day to see if he has enough to buy the toys he has his eye on. He's got better money management skills than most.

Do Over

2009-05-20T20:15:00.001-07:00

Got a call today from Squeaker's teacher letting me know that she has Saturday school due to some poor behavior choices. As often happens when she is upset, she had a hard time maintaining control and the situation escalated to increasing defiance and disrespect. Her teacher called back to say she was dangerously near a suspension but that I could pick her up early so she could calm down and avoid going too far in the wrong direction.

She came home around lunchtime, made herself a sandwich, and then I told her she should help me with the chores I was doing today. She worked alongside uncomplainingly from 1pm-6pm and then cleaned the rabbit's cage after dinner. Wednesdays are usually her "day off" from regular chores so she could have gone the other way and been angry about it.

This evening I thanked her for her help and she said you're welcome and thanked me for picking her up from school.

Have we ever come a long way from several years ago when a day like today would have resulted in raging, throwing stuff, and running away. Mercy from her teacher, an opportunity to settle down and try again, a day redeemed, and a fresh start tomorrow.

I like it.

Messed Up

2009-05-18T11:28:00.000-07:00

Last night I walked upstairs to hear Squeaker in full-blown hysterics, telling Lucky that she "wants it all to end". I had just sent her up to clean the bathroom but that seemed like an extreme reaction.

She has been hyper-stressed at school lately with worry about starting high school and problems with classmates. Her vice-principal, counselor, and special ed teacher have been talking to her about adding three more mainstream classes to her schedule this semester, an idea that has had not much support from me. With four weeks left of school, why increase her anxiety level especially when she's already having a great many problems with her peers?

As is typical of her emotion-based reaction to life, any slight or difficulty overwhelms her bringing up chaotic feelings of rejection and betrayal by her birth family. Last night's upset was partly due to the heartbreaking fact that no one in her birth family calls her and often they do not even return her calls. It is so sad to have to constantly talk her through the process of minimizing her expectations on them. They will talk to her (with the exception of birth mother) if she calls them but they have never initiated contact of any kind. I know several of them, after being considered for placement, are glad she is someone else's problem after withdrawing their request upon finding out the extent of her mood disorder and antisocial behaviors. One aunt even warned off other family members from having visits with her. That's fine. She's better off without those types. What I can't figure out is why her more understanding relatives make no effort to keep her connected to the family.

Playing it Cool

2009-05-12T17:29:00.000-07:00

Squeaker's teacher called today to let me know she had gone missing for a while at P.E. He and the classroom aides had to look for her. She reappeared shortly after confessing that she had gone to play basketball with the lunch kids. She got snarky with one of the aides on the way back to the classroom and walked off again, earning two days of lunch detention and a drop in privilege levels in her special ed classroom.

She got off the bus and came in the door after school already on the defensive and speculating loudly to Stickers about what her punishment might be. I surprised her by saying nothing about the incident and asking her to change clothes and bathe one of the dogs. She was pleasant from then on.

It could have been an ugly afternoon. I figure there is nothing to be gained at all by telling her again that she needs to be where she is supposed to be. Her teacher imposed appropriate consequences which can be dealt with entirely at school without increasing tension at home.

I am curious to see if she brings up the event to me. She has a hard time keeping things to herself so I know that before too long we'll be able to discuss it in a calm way without her going on the attack because I'm "lecturing" again.

UPDATE: Well, she did sort of bring it up. While helping clear dishes with the other kids after dinner, she walked back into the dining room, gave me a look and said loudly in a babyish voice "I was a good girl in P.E. today." I still made no comment and she dropped it. Weird.

It's a Great Year to Be a Nerd

2009-05-10T20:53:00.001-07:00

Wolverine last weekend and Star Trek this weekend...what more could a couple of geeky sci-fi loving moms want anyway?

Mother's Day Ironies

2009-05-08T15:29:00.000-07:00

Just to prove that it helps to have a sense of humor about those days when it's tough to not be the "real" mom:

Ana was putting a photo into a frame so Lucky could add it to the gift for her mom while commenting to me about her dislike of this particular holiday. She flipped the words and sang soulfully, "Sometimes I feel like a childless mother...."

Lucky is the last of our kids who is still in the foster care system. My kids are adopted and the others are no longer in the system but back living with us in a more informal capacity. Lucky's mom is a very nice person but in five years has been unable to do what she needs to in order to parent her daughter again.

That's why I found it amusing when Lucky showed me the card she picked out at the store for her mom which read:
"You've Got This Mom Thing All Figured Out".

No comment.

Nothing Personal

2009-05-08T14:37:00.000-07:00

Preparing for what will hopefully be a low key Mother's Day after a couple of semi-stressful days this week which I can't blog about.

I've got nothin'...but Claudia's blog here is excellent and says it all.

Pardon Our Dust

2009-05-05T16:09:00.000-07:00

For those of you who actually noticed we were gone briefly, please excuse our absence. By request, I had to do a bit of deleting of posts and pictures mentioning particular individuals. Onward we plow although minus identifying pictures from now on.

On my back and forth considerations of what to do about next year, I guess I'm back again. Squeaker is overly anxious about going to high school next year and heartbreakingly pained about her lack of friends at her current school. Exacerbated by the fact that she has been repeatedly told that she is going to get beat up in high school and that nobody will like her if she doesn't change how she acts. Ever so not helpful.

Her special ed teacher called me about an upcoming transitional meeting and when I asked how things were going there he said, "She said her birth sister died and she just hasn't told you yet." Um, no. Not even close to reality in fact she does not have any contact with birth family that I do not know about. He also said that she had a rough day when I got back from my trip because I had let her sister stay home from school and not her. Again, no. In fact, she was the only one I saw that morning before school.

Makes me continue to think she is not quite ready for mainstream classes and her extreme anxiety and social difficulties make me wonder again if she should be in public school at all. The only thing that makes me want to send her there instead of homeschooling her is my own self-preservation instincts. A twinkie response on my part that I do not want to put myself through the emotional challenge of being with her all day without break. However, on my "back" reflections and research I am now considering the fact that she has to work extraordinarily hard to keep herself in check at school which may be part of the reason that she falls apart sometimes at home where she is much more comfortable.

And while I'm back again...the public schools here seem fine. The curriculum is pretty good. The teachers seem okay (except during political season...don't get me started). But the kids....oy! They seem pretty mean in every school we've encountered so far. I'm not sure I want to send the Boss into that environment either.

I'm giving myself a week to decide because I have to enroll the Boss and decide whether or not I will require Squeaker to take summer school classes.

Movie Mad-ness

2009-04-23T21:15:00.000-07:00

For the second day in a row, Squeaker had a teenage tantrum about watching a DVD...this time after I told her to turn off a movie with some inappropriate dialogue which she kept repeating and making sure Lucky didn't miss.

Tonight's display included stomping, defiance, yelling in my face and a lot of muttering under her breath, mostly about how stupid and retarded I am.

During her "time out" she shoved the dining table around and repeatedly banged on the couch. When told to stop, she said, "And what are you going to do if I don't? Yeah, that's what I thought."

When she finally went off to bed, I heard "what a jerk" and "I hate you" coming from the room she shares with Lucky but it got really quiet when I went and stood in the doorway. All is peaceful now. Sweet dreams.

Day 2 on a Hostile Planet

2009-04-23T14:25:00.000-07:00

Monica and the Boss are visiting Grandma and Grandpa in Washington, D.C. for a little R&R leaving me here where the natives aren't always friendly.

Yesterday, Squeaker got mad because she couldn't put a movie on so she stomped up the stairs and slammed her door. I am so done with door slamming around here.

The room she just moved out of has a cracked door, patch on the wall, scraped door jam and loose door knob from several angry door slammers. I really don't want that to happen again, so I followed her upstairs and offered to escort her around the house since she will soon lose the privilege of opening and closing doors for herself. Then I reminded her that she already lost the privilege of being upstairs without permission. Snort. Eyeroll. (That was her, not me.)

She spent the next half hour stalking around the kitchen shooting me dirty looks and muttering under her breath. I didn't even bother to ask. The following half hour was full of nonsense babble at extremely high volume which also included bizarre threats to one of the rats. Don't ask.

I have yet to find out if Squeaker's mood has improved. Both she and Lucky overslept this morning and I only saw them for a minute while I was giving meds with one hand and pushing them out the front door with the other.

Ixnay on the Esttay

2009-04-20T22:15:00.000-07:00

This week the kid's start the state standards testing in school. Squeaker has been obsessing for weeks about it to the point of being extremely irritating. The teachers are really building it up and putting the pressure on and she has been freaking out about it which for her takes the form of tears, temper, non-stop talking, and a full blown rage last night as we tried to get her and Lucky settled into their new room.

Possibly brought on by the stress, she has been increasingly mouthy and mean to the Boss, a favorite target. Although her treatment of him had improved somewhat she's on the downward skids again. He's afraid to walk past her or go into a room with her unless someone comes with him. She says unkind things to him and calls him names when she thinks no one can hear. And lately even in front of us as she herself pointed out last night.

In the horrifying early days of her diagnosis and botch job by the psychiatrist prescribing totally wrong meds, she was especially mean to him and would punch him, block his path, and steal his toys when I wasn't looking. He was two and she was eleven. Is it any wonder he is permanantly glued to my hip? I had to keep him constantly with me so he would be safe from her and other emotionally traumatized kids. Now he freaks out if he is not with me all the time. That plus his minor developmental delays gives her lots of ammo for hatefulness towards him.

Very frustrating as much of my time is still spent making sure that the two of them are never alone together even though he is now five and has quite a little mouth of his own.

Never Stop Dreaming

2009-04-15T15:42:00.000-07:00

Check this out. Great stuff.

Fun Day

2009-04-13T10:49:00.000-07:00

We had a pleasant Easter although we were minus Lucky who was at her mom's house.

Squeaker behaved well and appropriately although she did tell anyone who would pretend to listen about how she does not want to go to the local high school in the fall.

Most importantly we are safe from candy holidays until October!

High Crimes

2009-04-10T13:44:00.000-07:00

We had plans today to go down to our church's Good Friday service at noon, meet with Lucky's social worker, and then go to the beach for the afternoon. Our plans were blown when Ana called the court recording to find out that she had to report for jury duty this morning. I told the kids we had to nix our activities for the day (we're down to one car) but we might still go to the 6pm service because we had to pick up Shorty this evening.

Squeaker slammed her door in a snit angry about having to go to "stupid church" when she wanted to go to the pier. I should have just left it at that. She might have escalated on her own anyway but I should have walked away. Why didn't I just walk away and let her throw things at the walls. Why must I always say something about door slams? Stupid, stupid. {smacking forehead against table}.

Things happen, I explained. Yeah, because some stupid criminal has to ruin my life by getting caught so that Auntie has to have jury duty, she says. (Huh?) Why are you making it about you? It's not really about you. Stuff happens and you deal with it. That's it. Why don't you stay up here and calm down and come down in a bit?

Whoa, duck and cover! Slamming, head banging, throwing stuff. Inevitable personal attacks. Trotting out oft repeated arguements about being blamed for everything. Angry exclamations: "I'm sick and tired of being punished because of other people!" Again, huh? Apparently some idiot criminal did actually go out and commit a crime and get himself caught so that he would have his day in court so that Squeaker's auntie would get jury duty on this day. Why? Just so that Squeaker could NOT go to the beach when she wanted to. Who knew?

When I texted the day's update to Ana at the courthouse she replied that she was reading an old Newsweek article on pediatric bipolar (magazines in the jury room a year behind, I guess). In children with bipolar disorder there is too much activity in the amygdala (regulates emotions)and not enough in the frontal cortex (rational thought). Sounds about right to me.

No Wonder I Don't Get Out Much

2009-04-10T03:50:00.001-07:00

This evening we took Squeaker, Lucky, and The Boss to see the movie Hotel for Dogs. The girls had been wanting to see it so they were happy. I've been avoiding it as long as possible. We were aiming for Inkheart but got there a bit late so we decided to grit our teeth, mask our pain, and give 'em sweet potatoes (for you Zig Ziglar fans out there).

Now I feel a rant coming on.

SPOILER ALERT! If you are planning to see this movie I'm about to blow it for you. Stop reading now.

Not that you won't be able to decipher on your own the non-existent plot twists and painfully predictable characters in the first few minutes of the movie enabling you to jump to the inevitable warm, fuzzy conclusion and reclaim a good hour or so of your life by cutting out after the opening credits.

Okay, that was unkind. My kids liked it. Yours probably will to.

HOWEVER....

If I had known that it was about poor waifs in foster care I would not have bothered. True to form in the world of entertainment, the foster parents were depicted as stereo-typically mean, disgusting, self-serving jerks who take the money, mistreat the kids, and lock up the good stuff and feed the kids vile slop.
I've only ever seen two shows where foster parents were portrayed in a positive light. One was the Hallmark Hall of Fame movie Ellen Foster and the other was an episode of Touched by an Angel. Of course, on TBAA everyone thought the foster parents were baddies and it took an angel to show that they were actually caring and loving. Wait a sec, another pops to mind--Angels in the Outfield. The foster mom was a nice lady even though she made the kids sleep in sleeping bags instead of giving them sheets and blankets.

To be fair, in Hotel for Dogs the foster parents were not the only moronic adults. The cops and animal control officers were unsympathetic, snide, bumbling idiots who were dumber than all the kids and dogs combined. Pretty typical fare for child-focused movies.

As Ana commented, "This whole movie is a cliche."

It had some cute moments but they don't serve my rant so I guess you'll have to discover them for yourself. The girls got teary at one point and The Boss laughed out loud at the dog antics although he was bored any time people were on screen. By the time he had accidentally dumped two trays of popcorn and all his candy on the floor he just wanted to go to the lobby and play video games.

At least we went to the discount theater.

Geek High Five

2009-04-08T23:49:00.001-07:00

So much going on with all the kids that I haven't been able to get my head straight to blog any of it. I feel like thoughts and ideas and worries are flying around in my brain but none of them connecting. When I described the feeling to Ana, complete with a demonstration of my index fingers shooting past each other but not meeting, she said, "Like a geek high five."

Two challenging kids back to line-of-sight supervision to protect property and the neighbors, daily lies and misdirection, irrational fears and unexplainable fits from the five year old (how will he go to kindergarten in the fall when he cries for 45 minutes because he has to go to the bathroom by himself?), keeping the littles safe from the meanness of the middles, navigating the complexities of older teens stuck somewhere in the crack between adult freedom and childish irresponsibility...all the while being constantly reminded that we don't communicate or do things like everybody's "real family". No wonder my head is rattled. These days I have no idea what I'm doing or what I've gotten myself into.

Squeaker is still acting a bit off even for her. She's cussing me out one minute and then acting super sweet and trying to engage me in coversation the next. She may be able to switch moods in 10 seconds flat but me, not so much. I don't even get how she can be so hateful and then come out and ask me sweetly for a privilege or favor while I'm still feeling freshly overhauled by her latest rage.

A renewed outburst of mean-and-nasty in which she pulled out every cruel insult and ugly word in her arsenal and shoved her bed in front of the door, resulted in her losing her activity for the evening and all privileges the next day.

I thought Saturday would be a toughy because that was the day that she was supposed to go either to Disneyland with her sister or to her cheer competition but her chronic temper had lost all privileges for the weekend. However, she did fine and was reasonably cheerful all day. I gave her a short hair cut as a fix for her hacking off big chunks from one side. She's been cutting/shaving/pulling snatches of her hair for years and I'm constantly taking her in to get it fixed so this time I did it myself.

Another cell phone went missing last week and, although I knew she and Lucky must have it, they kept it hidden for three days. I keep my bedroom door locked any time I am out of the room but this stealing thing has really gotten out of hand. shorty had set the phone down outside while he was on the trampoline and one of the girls just picked it up and slunk off unnoticed. Squeaker asked this week to go to the neighbor's house for the afternoon. Not hardly, little klepto.

Now the girls must ask permission to leave their room in the morning, go upstairs, outside or anywhere we can't see them. We must know where they are at all times even in the house. What a silly way to live. I don't want to be a jailor. Squeaker also frequently says mean things to The Boss when she thinks no one is around. But he's the biggest tattler in the house and then she hates him even more when he brings reinforcements.

As it turns out, keeping them close to home doesn't necessarily mean keeping the neighborhood safe from their obnoxiously inappropriate behavior. Monday night we got a knock on the door from one of our back-fence neighbors. Seems our sweet young ladies have been spending their time on the trampoline yelling naughty words, making fun of the neighbors in a racially disparaging way, and throwing bark and debris into their pool.

You know, I'm proud of my kids and I'm usually happy to claim them as mine but sometimes I want to say to people, "I didn't raise them that way! They didn't get that from me!"

Just sometimes.

Battling Cynicism....and Losing

2009-03-28T21:21:00.000-07:00

Verify

2009-03-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

Squeaker has been trying to spin an elaborate lie for over a week and it finally bit her in the butt today.

She had tried out for the school soccer team about a week and a half ago and said she made it to second cuts (despite not having played before and not being particularly athletic). Somewhat skeptical, I allowed her to stay for the second tryouts last Monday.

On Tuesday she left me a rudely hyper phone message (after she had already missed the bus) saying she had to stay after school for soccer practice. I picked her up instead and she informed me that she had made the team. I congratulated her but told her that was not an excuse to miss the bus without permission. Based on previous experience with her flexible idea of the truth, I said that she would need to bring me something with the practice times and the coach's name and number before she would be allowed to stay after school for practices.

Yesterday things started to get more complicated for her. She told me the coach quit and they had a new one now. She gave me a name and number and a list of practice times.

It turned out to be the phone number for the mom of one of her classmates who does not even work at school.

Digging herself deeper, she called from school to say that "Ms. P has a sub today so practice is cancelled so can I go to my friend Danielle's house?" Her phone messages and calls from school are not in the range of "normal". Ever. Ana listened to a message and said "It sounds like she's on drugs." Manic. Rude. Nonsensical. I had to tell her to knock it off today during her phone call because it was so completely disrespectful as if she were a hyperactive monkey talking to an imbecile.

Deeper still, she called right back because her special ed teacher wanted to verify that she was allowed to go home with a friend. I asked him if she made the team. He said "The ***school name*** team? No, she didn't make the team. She didn't even make the first cut!"

Oops. Busted again.

I guess she just wanted to stay after school and hang out with friends. I ask you....does she really think I won't check up on it? Nearly every word that has come out of the mouth in the past three months has been a lie. I always check up.

Fickle

2009-03-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

Last night The Boss was settled into bed and I was working on the computer. All was peaceful until he caught sight of a crane fly smacking the blinds. Crane flies (more commonly known as mosquito eaters or colloquially as mosquito hawks or sometimes as daddy-long legs--but that makes me think of the spider--or at our house, for reasons obscure, as "freddies") are oddly leggy but harmless and, though related to mosquitos, do not buzz annoyingly. I don't know if they actually eat mosquitos but I tell the kids they do so they won't bother me about it when they see one.

However, the Boss is inordinately freaked by winged and crawly insects so naturally he became increasingly agitated and kept telling me to "Get it out!". Finally, I snatched the freddy by the wing and flicked it out the door. Deed done. Be quiet and go to bed.

Um, no. That led to ten minutes of him sulking and crying and repeating, "You're mean, mommy. You killed it." and "I want it IN!". For cryin' out loud. Really?

He even opened the door to let it back in and it wouldn't come. So to get some peace and quiet, I got up again and let it back into the room where it flew too close to the bed resulting in cries of, "Get it, mom!" Nope. Deal with it.

This morning it was in my shower and I had to grab it by the wing again and toss it out. The Boss had forgotten all about it.

I'm Off

2009-03-19T18:49:00.001-07:00

Squeaker made the school soccer team but didn't make the school bus on the way home to stay for practice. After the bus had already left her phone message was, "Mommmmmmeeeeeee, I have to stay after schoooooooool. Yeah, and I don't like you. Bye." No, she didn't stay for practice today. I went and picked her up. But, yea that she made the team and is pulling up her algebra grade....finally.

I'm leaving tonight to drive up to Oregon with my other sister to pick up her daughter at college. Can't wait to see her. Plus, no kids for two days....freedom!

Ana is back from Washington D.C. She might blog. She might not.

Busted

2009-03-17T19:33:00.001-07:00

I got the phone back when I texted from an unfamiliar number and Lucky replied. Oops. Gotcha.

Squeaker had trouble in school today and called her teacher's aide a nasty name.

Still need to discuss consequences with both but we've definitely got some lost privileges to talk about. Squeaker's already in a majorly snarky mood so it should be a fun evening.

Update: That went about as expected with Squeaker although it could've been a lot worse. She refused meds and has been yelling down the hall at me but so far she's kept any profanity under her breath. Still, I don't see Disneyland in her future.

Update on the Update: Never mind. She just goes from bad to worse and comes up with endless mean, ugly, pointedly hurtful things to say. I sure hope I can get her to school tomorrow because I sure don't want to hang out all day with her. I managed to stay very calm but she is really getting to me lately. I need a break. For the next four years or so.

That's Not Okay

2009-03-16T22:15:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to keep my bedroom door locked since certain someones have decided they can enter at will and help themselves.

But today The Boss needed to get something and I was cooking dinner so I gave him the key to unlock my room. He couldn't figure out how to pull the key out after he unlocked it so Lucky told him just to leave it in the door.

The next time I went upstairs I discovered that one of the little sneaking thieveses decided to steal Lucky's cell phone back.

They both pleaded innocent with big wide eyes so I went ahead and searched everystinkingwhere.

And the thing that is irritating me the most is that they've sneaked so well that I can't find it.

Consequences

2009-03-16T14:35:00.000-07:00

Several days ago Lucky ran past my bedroom door with a small cosmetic bag tucked under her arm.
I said, "No nail polish upstairs."
She said after a brief pause,"It's not, it's, um, make-up." Right.
I said, "Okay, but no nail polish or you'll lose the privilege."
She said, "Okay."

A little while later I went to the girls' room to tell them to quiet down.
Sniff, sniff.
That smells like nail polish.
I said, "Hand it all over."

On Friday she was pestering me for the return of her cell phone to take it back to her mom's house, promising to delete her dad's number because she is not allowed to call him.
I said, "Here's the deal. You are not allowed to have a cell phone here but you keep sneaking it back into the house. I'm going to give it to you to take back to your mom's house but I never want to see it again. If you bring it back here you'll lose it for good."
She said, "Okay."

Last night Ana asked me why Squeaker was texting her from a cell with our area code. Turns out Squeaker had taken the prepaid phone that the kids use...the one I had been looking for all weekend to give to Peaches or Shorty while they were gone.
I went to her room and asked for it and on the second request she said, "It's {Lucky's}."
I said, "Give me the one that you stole from my room." She got the phone.
Then I said to Lucky, "Do you have your phone here?" She produced it from under the covers and I took that one too.
I said, "Good night. Lights out." and left.

I little while later I went back to their room to tell them to be quiet.
Sniff, sniff.
That smells like nail polish.
I said, "Who's putting on nail polish?"
Squeaker said, "Both of us."
I said, "Hand over all of it." She came up with two bottles.
Me: "Hand over all of it." She jerked open a drawer and gave me one more bottle.
Me: "Hand over all of it." She jerked open the same drawer and gave me four more bottles. I took the nail polish remover too and found two more bottles today. Squeaker likes to use her socks, quilt, and the rug to mop up nail polish spills so it is strictly forbidden upstairs.
I reminded them that they had now lost the privileges of using nail polish at all and said, "Good night. Lights out."

I thought I was pretty clear. Did they think I was kidding or that I couldn't figure it out? Or maybe they just don't care. I have no idea.

Anyway, this afternoon I noticed that Squeaker had scribbled on the sodoku puzzle she was working on last night "F--- ya!" and "Monica is a skanky hoe"(sic).
Yeah, that'll show me.

This is Fun

2009-03-13T10:53:00.000-07:00

I was poking around YouTube looking for something else and I came across this video from our church a few years ago. It is from the day that my daughters and three of our foster kids were baptized (back then they were all still foster kids, I guess). There are a few quick glimpses of them in there. Kinda cool. Baptism days at our church are crazy awesome.

Moody

2009-03-12T20:18:00.000-07:00

Squeaker's mood has been fine but mine has not. I am exceedingly grouchy this week. It would kind of help if kids would stop asking me for things (especially when I am already in bed or not yet out of bed or just starting to do something else) and if some kids could be a lot less loudly shrill and if the fifth-wheel dog would quit peeing all over the place and making a big mess in the garage and if people wouldn't eat my restaurant leftovers when I was planning on making that my breakfast.

However, it's not really anybody else, it's just me not working hard enough at keeping my head in the right place....also this rotten, thumping two-day-old headache.

One Day At a Time

2009-03-11T11:17:00.000-07:00

Things were better yesterday with Squeaker apart from having to go pick her up (right after I had put the littles down for a nap) because she "missed the bus". I had halfway expected her to miss it because there was a soccer meeting she wanted to go to after school even though I told her to come straight home.

I had a brief talk with her this morning about how she has been acting the past few weeks and that things needed to change including the way I was reacting to it. She didn't disagree when I suggested that visiting her sister and sister's dad was causing an internal struggle with loyalties. She has not been thinking of us as family because she still wants them and she is a very black-and-white thinker. I told her that her orginal family can still be family as is her adoptive family. She nodded hesitantly so I'm not sure what she's getting from that.

Anyway, we're on a day-by-day system now wherein she has no privileges whatsoever and has to earn them for the next day. Hoping this will work better than the loss of privileges system which just makes her mad and gives no incentive to stop. She can easily turn one day of lost privileges into two weeks of wrath and hell. She has agreed to the earning privileges method and still wants to be able to go to Disneyland with her sister next month so I'm hoping for positive results at least for the next few weeks.

"Some Beach....Somewhere"*

2009-03-09T12:13:00.000-07:00

Squeaker's behavior is tanking again and I am not handling it well. I am so over and done with being screamed at and called names by her. My patience is worn thin and I'm having a hard time getting a grip on my reactions.

I did laugh at a couple of her rantings today though. I said something about her being barely out of childhood and she said, "So's your mother!" Huh? That doesn't even make a good joke. She also likes to tell me how old and wrinkled and decrepit I am and today I laughed at that too. Until she slammed a bench into the wall and made a dent. I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her away from the wall and told her to just get up to her room away from everyone else. That was the wrong thing to do (obviously, you say) and it unleashed a torrent of "F--- you!"s all the way up the stairs along with a lot more slamming.

That kid brings out the absolute worst in me and I feel terrible about it. Although most days I'm able to keep myself pretty much in check.

What we are doing is not working and we need to try something else.

Plus, the pharmacy is having some sort of problem with the insurance and we won't have all her meds for the morning.

Find a happy place.....

*Blake Shelton

Delightful Day

2009-03-07T16:27:00.001-08:00

Squeaker's bio sister is here to spend the night. Everyone is playing games, throwing balls and frisbees (and grapes), jumping on the trampoline, laughing and enjoying one another. It's sunny, albeit with a chilly breeze, but yesterday was cold and cloudy. Shorty and I got out this morning to mow and trim so the yard is fit for company. We had hamburgers and hotdogs on the grill and will make a fire in the pit tonight for s'mores. I wish Ana was here to hang out with us, but otherwise an almost perfect day.

I Miss Grown-Ups

2009-03-05T22:58:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling especially nostalgic today missing the comraderie of my old radio days back in the "good old days" before it became time to move on. I miss my buddies...people who knew all the back-story and the inside jokes and where the bodies are buried (or the Wile E. Coyote heads). I miss the puns and one-liners and runs for Chinese and cheapy-mexican food. I miss the exchange of ideas and department head meetings and training people and writing ad copy. I miss reciprocal relationships, respect, friendship, and being appreciated. I kinda miss my nice paycheck too.

Humdinger

2009-03-05T09:02:00.000-08:00

Squeaker and Lucky had a shriekingly loud go-at-it last night over a hairbrush. Lucky said Squeaker gave it to her but Squeaker was peeved about something and demanded it back. This is why we have very strict rules about not giving away or borrowing each other's possessions in this house. Also, when someone has something new we must often assume it is stolen.

Sadly, Squeaker allowed things to get to the point of threatening, bullying, wishing Lucky dead and then shouting me down and threatening to call a social worker to get one of them moved. Good luck with that, sweetheart.

She now must go 48 hours without threatening or disrespectful behavior to earn back privileges. Generally it takes about three or four days to get 48 hours straight.

And I have to go buy Lucky a new hairbrush.

The Bribe

2009-03-04T12:02:00.000-08:00

The Boss has a great many fears and phobias and pecularities that makes it difficult sometimes to get him to do normal things that a five year old should do on his own.

He will not go into a room by himself, let alone sleep by himself. He chooses his clothes for the day based on which one has the kind of tag he likes to touch. For a long time he wouldn't wear long sleeves or shorts. He becomes almost hysterical when he has to get his hair cut because he gets itchy. He was terribly difficult to potty train because he was afraid of the toilet and would pull his shirt up over his nose at the smell of his own pee. He doesn't just object, he screams and cries piteously for hours. Undiagnosed as of yet apart from some developmental delays, getting him assessed is something I think we will need to do in order to insure his success in school. It is quite possible we will just find out he's just a quirky little dude.

We've helped him progress in some of these areas by taking it slow and offering tempting bribes along the way. It cost me three really cool toys and a ton of candies just to get him potty trained. He had just turned four years old and it was our third attempt.

Our current challenge is getting him to go to the bathroom on his own without crying and begging me to go with him because he is too scared. I couldn't even be in the kitchen when he used the downstairs bathroom just down a short hall or in the master bedroom when he used the bathroom there. It's been three days and so far so good. I bought a huge bag of individual m&m packages and he can choose a package every time he uses the bathroom without asking me to go with him as long as he shares it with Seamonkey. He's drinking a lot of water to earn more candy and has been chowing down on quite a lot of it. It's okay by me to sugar him up good for the week if that means not being begged or ordered to go to the bathroom with him all day long.

Is he not so stankin' cute, though?

Changes

2009-03-02T12:28:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to decide if I want to continue blogging or give it up. Things have changed and in the cycle we are in now we seem to be dealing with less annoying-yet-amusing absurdity which was fun and somewhat stress-reducing to blog about. Nowadays most of the kids seem to be in full-blown emotional overload as we go through major life changes for some and major issues with birth family for others.

I want to give a clear picture of what life with older adopted/foster kids and kids with mental illness is like but also want to protect the privacy and confidentiality of said kids. I wish life with my adopted kids was all sunsets and kittens and happy endings like an episode of "Adoption Stories" but that's just not reality. They're dealing with huge losses, emotions, feelings of unfairness, and many other issues and it comes out primarily in one way.....anger. It's not all bad but it sure isn't all good either. That doesn't change the fact that I love all my kids dearly and wish life didn't have to be so hard and frustrating for them.

Right now blogging allows me to de-stress a bit. It helps me to read blogs of other adoptive parents of older kids to know that we are not alone in the crazy life we've chosen. I've gotten a lot of comfort and ideas from other bloggers. I doubt that I have been as helpful but sometimes it's just nice to know that someone else's life is a bizarre as your own feels.

So I think I will continue to blog for now but will need do so in a way that is much more careful about the personal info shared. For those of you who personally know us, thanks for using what you read here to gain understanding and compassion and for loving and supporting my kids even when you've heard the worst.

For Now

2009-03-02T09:55:00.000-08:00

Squeaker seems to have settled down for now. She usually has about a good week or so of calm, more regulated moods before we cycle around again. Her little sister is going to continue to go to church with us. She used to go with some neighbors but she likes our church better and gets to spend time with Squeaker since we go out for lunch after so it's nice for everybody. She and her dad are coming up this way next weekend. We agreed that we want them to have a lot of contact but neither one is ready for overnight visits since they both have had pretty mixed up emotions the past few weeks since they started seeing each other again. We'll just have to take it slow and see how things progress.

Peace

2009-02-25T22:30:00.000-08:00

Finally a day with no screaming and slamming. A little backtalk and a kicked toy is all. I can live with that.

She keeps giving me a hangdog look and "I apologize" when she thinks that it will get her off the hook. I told her she can stop apologizing and show me with improved behavior if she is truly sorry. We'll see.

I have no idea what to do about visits with her sister since just one afternoon threw her totally out of whack. I'm leaning toward one overnight with her sister here this weekend but no overnight visits at her sister's house since that's where she used to live with her bio mom. I told her that she needed to live in reality and not start to think of the old apartment as home. She agreed but I don't know if that was real agreement or just "give mom whatever she wants to hear so I'll get what I want" agreement. Again, we'll just have to wait and see how things play out and if we can reestablish contact without losing major emotional ground.

One thing I definitely need to do is get her back into counseling. She has done much better without it but now I think it might be beneficial again. When I brought it up to her she screamed at me that she wasn't a "psycho b****" and didn't need therapy. I fined her a dollar for cussing and said I would schedule an appointment anyway.

Happy Birthday Squeaker

2009-02-20T10:18:00.000-08:00

Squeaker turns fourteen today. She had a very rough week but, after a confrontation on Wednesday, really pulled it up yesterday. She is off the hook from doing my chores, although still grounded next week. We've had some rough times for the past four years but I think she's actually going to be the one who comes out of her teen years with some wisdom and maturity. We work on her issues a lot and she is often forced to face her behavior and accept responsibility. After some major drama and rage, she usually rises to the occasion and attempts to make positive changes.

Her younger birth sister is coming to stay the weekend with us. She hasn't seen her in four years and is very excited about it. I'm glad her sister's dad is letting her come. She is back in contact with her older birth sister who is now married with a daughter of her own. Yesterday she found out that ther birth mother desires to have contact with her again. I am apprehensive about it because of how horribly her mom treated her at their last phone call, but I am going to allow it with supervision because Squeaker misses her and has been wanting to talk to her for some time.

I am so proud to be this girl's mom. I keep trying to tell her that she is so much more than her diagnosis and her rotten past, so much better than the negative self-talk and victim status that she spends so much time thinking about. Some day she's going to believe it and she's going to be great.

Doings and Goings On

2009-02-17T22:40:00.000-08:00

President's Day WEEK is going as vacations do.

The littles quarrel and tattle constantly but still play together all day without pause. Yesterday one of them closed the stopper on the sink and left the water running, flooding the upstairs bathroom. It ran down the vents to drown the downstairs bathroom as well. I put towels down to soak up the mess. The older kids freaked out when they went to wash hands for lunch thinking the flood might have come from a more unsavory source.

Shorty had a doctor appointment this morning which meant a lot of time in the car as we still go to the next county. Tomorrow I will drive him down to a friend's house about an hour away and then head a half hour's drive to pick up one of the kids from a friend's house before making the hour long trip back home. We don't really live in the boonies but it seems like it sometimes. Squeaker has already started rolling her eyes and snorting so we're all kept informed on how put out she is to have to be in the car again.

Lucky brought home an mp3 player belonging to her godfather's seven year old daughter. She asked me to charge it so I did, then promptly confiscated it. I had to explain to her that we don't allow young girls in our home to listen to music filled with profanity and nasty references to cheap, dirty sex. She borrowed that from a seven year old? Good grief.

Squeaker got into several little spats with one of the littles yesterday then yelled at me about how he was acting when I got on her about it. Does she really want her behavior compared with that of a three-year-old?

Today she went a little too far with snarky, rude comments about my messy room after I had spent all day yesterday and part of today on the rest of the house. Actually, way too far. So I made her a detailed list and she is taking over all my household/yard/pet chores so I can have the luxury of tidying my room to her satisfaction. She managed to get through cooking and cleaning up dinner, doing dishes, sweeping, and folding a load of laundry before admitting she was ready to pass out. That was only part of the evening chores. Tomorrow should be fun since she'll be privileged to get up early and put in a full day of it.

I've been having Lucky work a little each day on her science fair project which is due next Monday. It's been going okay but tomorrow she starts working on the report part of it. Writing is a challenge for her but she seems to have a good grasp of the experiment and the result so I'm hoping it will go easily for her.

Stickers finally gets back into her college art classes tomorrow after a long break. That will be good since I think maybe we've given her some sort of creative block. I've commissioned her to paint a new piece to go above our fireplace since she keeps mercilessly criticizing the one that is there now. Yes, she painted that one too.

Crazy Love

2009-02-16T11:49:00.000-08:00

Just finished this very intriguing book by Francis Chan.

I've been outside of my comfort zone so long that I've been spending too much time recently missing my safety "bubble". No more! My life is far too comfortable and not radical enough.

Ana and I sold our house and quit our jobs so we could commit our resources and time to meeting the needs of hurting kids in the foster care system. Our finances and ourselves got pretty used up and beat up along the way. We've done what we could but so far haven't been doing it long enough (only eight years) to even have any success stories. Most of the kids have moved on and we will never know the rest of their stories. We've given our lives to caring for and loving kids who often hate us or steal and destroy our stuff in return.

When we began to feel resentful that our stuff was getting ruined we sold it or gave it away so that we would not be tempted to love stuff and comfort more than the kids. We needed the cars so we couldn't get rid of those but now we view them as "just stuff" too, tools to be used to help others. The intentional scratches, dents, and dings inflicted by the kids on my once-nice car bear witness to the troubled, angry kids that God has allowed us to care for. When we heard through our church that a recently widowed young woman with six children had lost her van we were able to give her one of ours....because it wasn't really ours any more anyway. We gave it over to God for his use and purposes as we did with all of our remaining belongings.

I like to take charge and be in control of my surroundings and Ana loves peace and hates conflict. How did we end up living lives of such constant conflict with situations over which we have no control? And to be honest, most days it doesn't feel like we're all that great at it. Nothing showed me more vividly what a wretched person I can be than having to live with and love people who are hateful, mean, destructive, and often give nothing back at all. It was so easy to love those in my "bubble" who loved me back (or at least pretended to). The "bubble" was such a nice place to live, work, and play. If not for the love of God and the desire to do what he commands, I'd be there still. I once visited a church that had a sign over the door going out into the world that read "You Are Now Entering Your Mission Field". I need that same sign over the door going into my home.

Crazy stuff. But not crazy enough to match the amazing, overwhelming, radical love of Jesus. What else can I do or give up so that my kids will know how crazy God is about them? How can I reach more kids? How can we help families who have taken in these hurting kids and had their lives turned upside down because of it?

I can't wait to find out.

Sadie Hawkins Dance

2009-02-14T23:58:00.000-08:00

Found this on Claudia's blog. Pretty funny especially if you're a little behind on sleep. Try it.

1. Put your iPod on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got the note from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Walking on Sunshine

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Beautiful Day

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Nothing Without You

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Laughed Until We Cried

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Simple Things

WHAT DO YO UR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Some People Change

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
The Heart of Life

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Walk This Way

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Take it All

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
See the World

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Margaritaville

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
She Bangs the Drums

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
A Kiss to Build a Dream On

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Play Me

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
My Life

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
If You're Going Through Hell

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Shop Around

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Through the Fire and the Flames

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Give Me Your Eyes

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
The Dance

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
How to Save a Life

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
House in California

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Sadie Hawkins Dance

All Worthwhile

2009-02-11T21:32:00.000-08:00

Squeaker just knocked on my door and handed me an envelope. Inside, on a thank-you card, was this note:

Dear Mom,

Thank you for all you've done for me and everyone else. I love you and by just watching you you've taught me that there's no way to be a perfect parent but a million good ways to be a great one. You are about as good as they get and I wouldn't trade you for the world. I love you lots. Thank you.

Love,
------- - -------

I don't know if she swiped that from a Hallmark Card or if they should pay her to write for them, but that's about the sweetest note I've ever received.

School Meeting

2009-02-11T12:17:00.000-08:00

The IEP meeting at Squeaker's school went about as expected. Her math teacher Mr. B came down pretty hard on her but did it in a kind way. Her failing grade is due solely to missed assignments not test scores. She will have to repeat alegebra 1 as a freshman. No surprises there. She tried to act surprised and indignant but her special ed teacher jumped on it right away telling her to let Mr. B finish talking. I also reminded her that we already had the discussion at home that she will likely repeat math next year. If she continues to complete the work this year she will have a jump on it next year.

Her behavior has improved tremendously and her teacher had all good things to say about how hard she is trying and succeeding at containing her anger at school. She has an A in her general ed english class and is doing well in all subjects but math where her emotions and attitude are her downfall.

She'll attend summer school through the special ed program on the high school campus and will receive credits. We'll try the public high school for next year as it reportedly has an excellent special ed program and hope to move her into all mainstream classes by the end of her freshman or sophomore year.

Those were much better reports in an IEP meeting than we have received before so I am guardedly optimistic that she will continue to progress positively in both behavior and academics.

Crybaby

2009-02-07T21:22:00.003-08:00

Definitely need to get some sleep. I'm tired and cranky. My back hurts and I've had an earache for a week. Every time one of the kids asks for something I get irritated especially when I'm already in the middle of doing something for somebody else. And while I'm wallowing in annoyance and self-pity it's really bugging me when somebody says "mom" and before I even get a chance to answer they start in on "mom, mom, mom, mom, MOM!" (substitute "granny" at least one third of the time). Also, that whole call my name or start telling me a story when somebody else is already telling me a story that I can barely hear anyway? Getting old, too. And right now The Boss is in bed making moaning noises because I said he couldn't watch a movie because he was acting like a turd pie and then saying no when I tell him to stop. And while I'm on it, why does everyone have to be so loud and/or shrill all of the time? They all have an entire week of for President's Day. Why do they call it President's Day if they're going to give them a week off? What am I going to do with all of them for a week? Hope they like the park and the library. Hope it doesn't rain.

As you see nobody is acting horribly at all but still my last nerve is ground down to a nubby stump. It's not them, it's me. (I'm not dumping them, don't worry.) Plus, I miss Ana and I'm ready for her to come home now. Stickers has asked me twice if it's harder not having Ana here. Except for a few logistical challenges, it hasn't been all that hard but it has been a lot more boring.

Forget sleep. I think I need a little vacation. Thankfully, I hear The Boss' honking snores so at least he's down for the night.

That Explains A Lot

2009-02-06T07:49:00.000-08:00

Last night The Boss and I were sitting together on my bed watching a movie. Well, I sat. He bounced and jerked, flailed his arms, kicked his feet, and repeatedly thwacked his head against the pillow. No, he wasn't having a tantrum. That's just how he sits.

My repeated requests for him to be still and stop moving were met with "okay" but little movement reduction. Finally exasperated after getting elbowed again I said, "Can you PLEASE knock it off? Why do you do that?"

He laughingly replied, "Because I'm a kid."

Oh. Of course.

They're Good Kids, Really

2009-02-03T09:40:00.000-08:00

Despite the fact that the kids are driving me a bit buggy, I am feeling especially fond of them all this week.

Hello Young Lovers

2009-02-02T11:31:00.000-08:00

I've been reminded by a few people that I haven't blogged in a bit so here I am. It's not for lack for things going on but because I'd been so annoyed for quite a bit of last week.

I've mentioned before about the massive amount of lying that goes on around here. Recently I've been amazed and aggravated at how much time is spent by the kids trying to deceive me. Right now we're in a "secret boyfriend" phase starting right at the twelve year old. Oh, but her birth mom says it's okay so I guess that one is supposed to be all right.

Last week one of the secret boyfriends actually got up the decency to come to the door and talk to me and ask (and apologize) if I had a problem with him. I told him that I had been pretty clear under what conditions he could see one of my girls. Neither he nor she had honored those conditions choosing instead to sneak around and have a relationship in secret and so, yes, that was my problem with him. If he does what I asked him to do then he may come and visit and continue to see her.

We'll just have to wait and see on that one and in the meantime I'm going to have to confront all the sneakiness. The middle girls are also sneaking each other's clothes to school and changing there so I won't know, sneaking into people's rooms to take their things, and asking to go for "walks" every day. Right. It's extremely irritating because now whenever they ask to do something I assume that they have other motives and may not actually be going to the place that they tell me. I won't even get into the covering up for one another, only outdone by the ratting each other out.

And now Valentine's Day is coming up. More drama I predict. Sigh.

Help Yourself

2009-01-27T23:04:00.001-08:00

On Sunday I didn't cook at all. It was cereal for breakfast, bbq hamburgers at church for lunch, and scrounge your own dinner from the week's leftovers.

It seems ice cream was a popular supper choice. When I emptied the dishwasher on Monday morning I counted 23 spoons and only three forks in the silverware basket.

Max Gross Load

2009-01-26T14:57:00.000-08:00

Okay, so maybe not today, maybe tomorrow...

I've completely reached the limit of my patience with The Boss' whining and screaming. His leg is better, no pain, but he will not walk on it. The other kid's aren't even home from school yet. Hopefully Squeaker can maintain today without too much snark because already I feel like jamming socks in my ears and hiding under the sofa until Ana comes home.

He is darn cute though.

Tomorrow Will Be Better

2009-01-25T20:10:00.000-08:00

Not a great end to the day for me.

The middle girls have been running around and shrieking since this afternoon and I have not been very patient with it. They didn't do the few things that I asked them to do before bedtime and their giggly shrillness is irritating every last nerve.

I was unintentionally snappish with Shorty on my way to shush them and put them back on task. Squeaker slammed the door twice when I told her not to go into the bathroom with Lucky and then told me she didn't slam anything, saying snottily, "You just hate everybody because your little kid got hurt." Yeah, whatever. She said I was mad at her all weekend and so I did tell her that I actually was pretty annoyed that she slammed doors and talked rudely to me repeatedly when I asked her to do things she should already know. This morning she slammed the door because I called her out on a lie. She lies and then she's the one who gets to slam the door? Unfair, I say.

The Boss is a horrible patient and I am a short-tempered nurse. He asks...or whines rather...for things all day long. When I'm lifting, carrying, holding him he immediately begins whining for me to do something or get something else for him. Did I mention how heavy he is with that cast on? I finally told him to knock it off and give me a break. He's going to have to be way more patient so I can schlep him where he needs to go then run around and get all the stuff he needs.

I'm feeling very aggravated with myself tonight and I'm sure the kids feel the same. I'm going to try very hard to do better tomorrow.

Gimpy

2009-01-24T13:22:00.000-08:00

This time it was The Boss visiting the ER. The scene in the X-Ray room was a familiar one. Lots of screaming, kicking, grabbing, freaking, not cooperating, etc...

Yesterday The Boss was jumping on the trampoline with Shorty. He suddenly fell screaming and grabbing his leg. The X-Ray shows no breaks but some fluid on his knee so he's in a hip-to-toe splint and will need to be seen by an orthopedist in a few days. He may need an MRI if the pain persists. Somewhat concerning is the fact that he was complaining about pain in that leg two days before the trampoline incident. He also seemed kind of feverish so I attributed it to that and gave him some Tylenol.

Hoisting him around the next few days should be fun and back-straining. Just propping him to use the toilet has been an interesting adventure. When I laid him back on the bed this morning and got his clothes put right again he said, "Thank you for helping me with that, Mommy". Awwwwwwww. He's just the sweetest. He whimpered and thrashed all night but is refusing any medicine. He does seem to be in a lot less pain today now that the leg is immobilized. I've had to move him up so I can get him in and out more easily and pile up pillows to keep his leg straight out in front.

Trust but Verify

2009-01-24T07:44:00.000-08:00

I can't even do that. One of the byproducts of being lied to all the time by kids is that I can't trust anything they say. Sad.

Unrelated....another three hours in the ER with yet another kid. More on that later.

Where Credit is Due

2009-01-22T20:14:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday I felt some twinges of guilt and regret as our pastor talked about honoring others and gave an example of honoring your kids. Ouch. Often I feel very dishonored by my teenaged kids, especially my middle child. I go into "survival" mode and it becomes difficult to honor the good things about them the way I should. I decided last week that I would do better at that even when it is not reciprocated.

So Squeaker went ahead and had a gnarly, hate-the-world-and-everyone-in-it week as if to put my fledgling commitment to the test.

She screamed, stomped, sassed, cussed, slammed, eye-rolled, over-reacted, ignored, cried and even got kicked out of after-school tutoring after just three days for her "nasty, negative" attitude.

However, this week she also reconciled with her adult sister, offered to help out in the kitchen, got along with Lucky, recovered from a tantrum and improved her behavior, pulled a failing grade up to a passing one, got an A on project that she completed without any prompting, did all of her chores every day, and braved school each day even though she hates half her teachers and she feels like she has no friends.

I'm pretty proud of her.

Sleepy Boy

2009-01-20T08:54:00.001-08:00

Last night The Boss and I were flopped sideways across my bed, he watching Macgyver dvds and me reading a book. After he fell asleep I picked him up to put him to bed. As I lay him down, he arched and cried with eyes still shut, "I can't! I can't! I can't!" I asked, "You can't what?" while rubbing his hair.

He settled down into his pillows, still asleep, murmuring, "I-I-I need Transforners."

In case you ever wondered what five year old boys dream about.

Lull

2009-01-18T08:36:00.000-08:00

We're experiencing the customary calm after the storm. Squeaker has gotten into a few spats with the little kids but otherwise has been fine. She called her little sister's dad and got her older sister's phone number and talked to her for a while. That was the only phone call between them in a long time that did not end with Squeaker slamming the phone down. Big sister had heard from her bio-mom so she got an update on that situation too.

Tomorrow is a holiday and Friday everyone has off because it is the end of the semester (Why, why, why is the school district doing that to me? Yes, It's all about me.) The high schoolers also have short days on Wednesday and Thursday because of finals so I'm trying to figure out if that kills the plans I had for Wednesday.

It must be Sunday morning around here because someone is whining and The Boss is refusing to take a shower before church.

Many Moods

2009-01-16T08:18:00.000-08:00

It's my house after all.

Squeaker left the house cheerful and called me from school cheerful. Then we picked her up from an after school math class and Lucky was sitting in the front seat and I didn't make her move to the back so Squeaker could have the front. She got in glaring and snarling and then slammed both feet into the back of Lucky's seat. When I told her to put her feet down she bellowed about how it's not fair and Lucky isn't even old enough to sit in front (she is) and finally shut up when I told her she could sit in the back from now on if she continues to act like that.

She was cheerful by the time we got to the house and invited Lucky to jump on the trampoline with her and then they went for a run.

When she got back the eye rolling began when I told her to get her book to do reading but first change out of her school P.E. shorts. When one of the other kids mentioned to me that she was kind of stinky I remembered that she was supposed to take a shower directly after a run so went to remind her to do that.

That didn't go over too big and the stomping, slamming, fit-pitching began. I guess I confused her with too many different requests. So I outlined it for her: 1. Take a shower. 2. Clean up your room. 3. Get your book and read. 4. Stay in your room until I call you to help in the kitchen.

She decided she did not have the kitchen chore that day (she did) and said over and over "I'm not going to do something that's not my chore." I walked away to the tune of two more door slams (bedroom and bathroom).

She came down later so I called her over to set the table. Cabinet door slam. Plates on the table slam. So I told her forget it, just go on back up stairs until I call you for dinner. That's when the "Oh MY GAWWWWWWWD!" began and my favorite response when I tell her not to talk like that to me, "I just did." Sweet. Go. Up. Stairs. Now.

She made sure to call be a nasty name on her way out of the room so I called her back to tell her again not to talk to me like that which brought my second favorite response, "Whatever."

Later while I was making dinner she brought me a tiny scrap of paper torn from her report card so she could give me my grade as a parent: F

I actually think I've pulled it up a bit since last time she graded me. Yea me.

She left the room screaming about how I'm so busy ruining her life that she can't tell me the truth about her birth mom.

By dinner, she was cheerful again and asked if she could talk to me about her mom after dinner.

When she told me what was going on with her birth mom and then we prayed about the situtation, she cried on me and hugged me.

She then went cheerfully off to bed even after I told her she needed to uninvite her friend this weekend since any week in which she calls me a b***ch does not end in her having a friend spend the night.

So many moods, so little time.

P.S. And a big ol' thanks to Shorty for stepping in to set the table.

Am I in the Wrong House?

2009-01-15T09:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a pleasant day and not a single kid was noticeably angry for any part of it (which is quite the feat around here). I did household chores like crazy all morning and then took the middles and littles to the park in the afternoon. We had pasta bake and garlic bread for dinner which the kids all seem to really like although it's not my favorite. I just loaded up on salad. Sometimes I make "kid food" dinners so all the kids can eat and enjoy without picking things apart. Everyone finished up chores without a fuss and the older girls did a few extra jobs in the kitchen. Squeaker and Lucky even went into their room early for the night. Peaches gave the little boys a bath and watched a movie with them in her room. Stickers and Shorty snuck out for ice cream and brought me one too. Very nice.

Makes us sound almost kind of normal doesn't it?

Most of My Brain Still Functioning

2009-01-13T12:52:00.001-08:00

The first day after Ana's departure started off a little more hectic than I had hoped. Lucky had an appointment an hour away so I had to rush the middles and littles to get moving.

The Boss pouted and refused to dress himself because I had to leave him alone in the room to get ready because he wasn't moving fast enough. Then he got into a flap with Squeaker on his way downstairs. She said she didn't do anything but I think he was still scared to pass her since she often says mean things to him. Squeaker needed last minute instructions for a class she's struggling with and Shorty needed quarters. I'm not sure if he'll end up with lunch today because I haven't turned in his lunch form yet and I didn't have cash in small enough bills. I told him to make a sandwich but I'm not sure if he did. The fridge is jam-packed so no one should go hungry but sometimes the kids do if someone doesn't make it for them. He's going to a friend's house after school and Lucky is inviting several friends over to ours. After we left, Stickers stayed with Squeaker until her bus came and since I heard her loud self in the background when I was talking to her teacher today, I know she got there okay.

Anyway, everyone got where they were supposed to. I remembered to pick up Lucky's meds before getting to tomorrow morning and finding an empty bottle. The Boss, Seamonkey, and I are about to go for some outside time, them on the trampoline and me picking up the bushes I cut last time I took them out to jump. Yardwork is a long, fluid process but I get there eventually.

I already packed up more stuff for the Salvation Army truck (which hasn't come yet), I've done some laundry and some kitchen work, took a call from Squeaker's teacher, remembered to bring the dogs in and out on schedule, I've checked the chore list to see what jobs Ana would be doing today so I won't forget those....and I ate lunch all by myself which I hate to do.

I can do this...for a couple months anyway.

Misunderstood

2009-01-11T07:51:00.000-08:00

Lizzy: “Your defect is a propensity to hate everybody.”
Mr. Darcy: “And yours is willfully to misunderstand them.”

CAUTION: Rant Ahead.

Okay then, you were warned.

Ana leaves in a couple days and I am beginning to feel a little apprehensive at being left behind. I, in fact, have suggested to her that the solution may be for her to stay and me to go. I'm pretty sure all the kids would like that better....except for The Boss but he could come with me since he's not in school. Anyway, I dream.

It's not being left alone with the appointments and the chores and the constant "What am I going to make for dinner this time" without end or back-up. It's not even the yelling, stomping, door slams, and eye rolls. What is actually getting to me these days is the backyard or behind-closed-doors (even though they are not allowed in each others rooms) behind-my-back b***ch sessions that are constantly going on.

Often I have kids being relatively friendly to my face or even reluctantly cooperative after a blow-up and I think we're in the clear and then they spend the next few days griping, ranting, and trashing me to the other kids. Thanks so much.

My kids are stewers (is that a word?) building up resentment and anger until it blows everywhere. And it seems that no matter how I respond it will not be in the way that they want and lately no matter what I do or how much I do it is not enough for them. There is always a long list from them of what I should be doing or how I should have done things differently. Of course, the lists are different. One wants to run away because I'm "hard to talk to" even though I have been supportive and non-judgmental when she has chosen to talk to me. One is a huge talker and if I try to help her work through her jumbled emotions and distorted hate-the-world thinking, I am "Always lecturing". I can't win. Can Not Do It. That's my fault because I'm just the mom here....and the replacement mom yet, I'm reminded.

Teenagers think they are the ones so misunderstood (and seem to relish the role). I contend that it's really adults who are misunderstood (and willfully so) by teenagers.

That's why the most difficult part of Ana being away for a while is losing the other person in the house who does understand, which some days is what makes it all okay. Or as Uncle Monty says in A Series of Unfortunate Events, "I may know better than anyone what you're going through. But it's gonna be alright. We'll be with people who can understand us. People who are like us."

Just don't answer the doorbell.

"Watch Your Mouth, Kid, or You're Gonna Find Yourself Floating Home."**

2009-01-08T21:52:00.000-08:00

The Boss has been rude and smart-mouthy the last few days. He snorts, stomps, crosses his arms, rolls his eyes, and heaves huge sighs when I ask him to do anything. C'mon kid, one thirteen-year-old-girl-attitude in this family is enough right now and five is a little too early to be starting the "mom is an idiot" phase.

When I was sending him to time-out this afternoon I told him to remember that he was acting this way now so he can just skip right on past it when he gets older.

I was trying to get out the door but he wouldn't cooperate and come out of time-out so I had to leave him with Ana while I took Shorty shoe shopping. He screamed, cried, kicked, hit, and pinched for an hour and half while I was gone. The Boss, that is, not Shorty.

When I got home he said, "I'm not crying any more, mom." and immediately started asking for chips, jumps on the trampoline, and drinks of my coke.

Glad he recovered so happily. Ana looked wiped out for the rest of the evening. I'm sure they'll both sleep soundly tonight.

**Han Solo to Luke Skywalker in the original Star Wars, of course.

And in Other News

2009-01-08T07:24:00.001-08:00

Ana will be leaving on Tuesday to spend a few months in the Washington DC area helping care for our niece and nephew while our sister-in-law is at work. Our little brother (sorry can't help it even if he is 25 now!) is in training in the Army and has been away from home for a while and they find themselves in a bit of a childcare crunch at the moment.

This week we must scramble around and do all those silly little projects we have been procrastinating on for so long. It's not that I can't do them without Ana it's just that I don't wanna.

All seven kids/young people here seem reasonably stable at the moment so we'll hope that lasts the months that I will be alone and outnumbered--- which I know sounds pretty Twinkie compared to some bloggers I read with kids numbering in double digits beginning in two and three.

I already have an idea for a new blog but, sadly, Ana may not have daily access to internet. I may just have to amuse myself with it.

All I Really Want for Christmas (or any time)

2009-01-06T09:47:00.000-08:00

Sorry to bring up Christmas again, but I'm taking down the tree today so it reminded me......I would have posted this in December but couldn't on the borrowed computer. Steven Curtis Chapman is suitable for any month of the year though.

Looking Up

2009-01-06T09:06:00.000-08:00

Another blow-up yesterday from the direction of Squeaker but otherwise things seem to be regaining our awkward version of normal.

I had to finally point out to Squeaker that while she may feel unloved because of the expectations and responsibilities placed upon her (I told her she had to finish homework and make-up missed chores before jumping on the new trampoline)that actually I was the one being mistreated by her not the other way around. While I will not put up with her chronic foul mouth, abuse, and disrespect, I still do love her and give her opportunities to try again to improve behavior and earn more priviliges. Within fifteen minutes she was acting cheerfully normal and right before bedtime she told me that she knew what she said about not being loved was not true. Another successful day.

Some days it feels like the old "one step forward, two steps back". However, often those "steps back" can be the springboard for some sizeable leaps ahead. As much as being yelled at and cussed at feels hugely uncomfortable and wrong, it not only allows some issues to come up that might not otherwise, but gives me the opportunity to show my kids that I love them and I'm here for them not matter what and we're in this together for the long haul. I wish I always handled it in the best way when we're in the midst of an emotional crisis but in the end I want them to know that my love and forgiveness and committment to them hasn't changed.

Scapegoat

2009-01-05T09:15:00.000-08:00

The kids are back in school today and I am relieved. It was a rough two weeks. Amazingly, the actual holidays were very nice but all the in-between days were pretty awful right up until the end.

Each of my kids had at least two ranting, angry tantrums. That's two tantrums times three kids in two weeks minus the holidays so twelve days which means on average it was a tantrum every other day.

And I, apparently, am the cause of all that is wrong with their worlds. Among the triggers for said tantrums were saying no to a movie at bedtime, asking someone to put something away, putting something away for someone, correcting rude behavior, and showing irritation when I was irritated.

And for such unconscionable acts I have been cussed at and about; have had to listen to, "I don't like you", "I want to run away", "I wish I was never adopted", "I'm out of here as soon as I turn 18", "I have to do everything myself". I've been accused of not doing enough, giving enough, buying enough, loving enough. According to my kids, I'm the reason why everyone is so angry and rude and the default cause of brattiness in three-year-olds.

Of course, they seem to recover relatively quickly and move on to other things until the next explosion and I'm the one still aggravated. Usually it's another day, another snark...I indulge my annoyance with an after bed-time gripe session with Ana and then I'm fine. But for some reason the barbs are sticking this time around. Maybe it's my annual wistful hope for a warm, fuzzy holiday season with my kids which will likely never happen.

So I'm grateful for the space and quiet this morning. And I'm sure they are glad for the chance to get back to school and away from me too.

Conundrum

2009-01-04T08:29:00.000-08:00

Why is it that when teenagers around here demand to be given more rights, respect, and freedom it is usually when they are having a "teen tantrum" and acting the most childishly selfish and petty?

Entropy

2008-12-29T10:17:00.000-08:00

The breakdown begins. Lack of routine, too much sugar, too little sleep, and too much time together is starting to take its toll. Only a few cracks at present and we'll try to hold it together Macgyver-like with duct tape and Christmas ribbon until school starts next Monday.

Squeaker enjoyed her phone call with her sister then stayed up to late and broke down at bedtime because her sister is moving to Texas in the summer. Logic not being in great supply after midnight, she cried that her little sister is the only family member she stays in contact with and gets to see regularly. While she doesn't see any family members often, she has not seen or spoken to her sister since her mother's parental rights were terminated almost four years ago. Several of her family members including her sister's father are permitted to contact her, but sadly they never do. She is the one who maintains periodic contact with aunts, grandparents, sisters, and even her birthdad. This is the family that she would return to in a heartbeat if she could.

The Boss is having a post-shower meltdown this morning. He has discovered that if you repeat the same thing about a zillion times that it drives every grown-up within a ten-mile radius completely round the bend.

Lucky and Squeaker have been getting along reasonably well since Lucky has been gone for a good chunk of vacation. They have been doing each other's hair and nails and shrieking and giggling a lot. Lucky is a pesterer and that gets old pretty quick. She leaves tomorrow to visit the aunt and uncle that she lived with before she came here. They do a big New Year's shin-dig which we definitely don't, so I'm sure she'll be happy to go off to that while we play board games and eat cinnamon popcorn here. We'll enjoy the break from being asked every five minutes what we are doing today, what can she do now, can she take the dogs for a walk, can we go to the store, what are we having for dinner, do you have any more batteries.....?

The Boss is turning purple screaming "I want my puppy" so I guess it's time to go see if he needs any medical intervention.

Update: The Boss just switched to "I wanna get off the bed". Change is nice.

Copacetic

2008-12-27T14:35:00.000-08:00

The last vestiges of holiday induced-tension seems to have lifted and everyone is in good spirits today (except Ana who can't seem to stay awake).

Squeaker is talking on the phone to her younger birth sister who she hasn't seen in four years. She just told her step-dad that I said something that I actually never said---although the intent was accurate---but other than that has been happy and appropriate. On the rare occasions that she talks to her older birth sister she is often snippy and accusatory. She has really been missing her birth family this Christmas and had soaked my shirt with tears and snot a couple times over the week. I'm glad they are getting a chance to catch up. Her sister was only four years old the last time they spoke.

C, now referred to here at Snark Bait as "Shorty", has been keeping to himself a lot today probably sleeping and playing video games in his room, but has come down from time to time to play with The Boss.

Stickers seems content puttering around the house.

Lucky wants to go redeem gift cards which we will do this weekend, but has found enough to entertain herself with Christmas gifts and the dogs.

The Boss moves from toy to toy a pro at keeping himself amused.

Everyone has rummaged for their own food and done a fair job of cleaning up after themselves.

We are about to get into a cut-throat game of electronic Monopoly at which we all agree we can find away to cheat...in good fun, of course.

Feels good. I could get used to this.

I Should Have Worn My Serious Shoes

2008-12-26T21:33:00.000-08:00

Made it through another Christmas! This one was way better than the last few years. Actually make that the last seven years since we started fostering.

Everyone was appropriate and grateful both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day----although not so much helpful with all the added cleaning up that the holidays require but I'll take what I can get and be happy with it.

We're having a very pleasant visit with C, teenage brother of Stickers. He's polite and easy-going just as I remember him when he was younger and lived with us.

We only had one small incident between the girls. Why do teenage girls have to be so snarky to one another for no reason at all? It's not the occasional rude remarks that get to me it's the justification afterwards. This time "Well, the truth hurts sometimes." What the heck? And when I suggested that when faced with the choice of being kind or unkind the right choice is kindness, she turned and walked away from me pulling out her cell phone. Whatever. I was done anyway as nothing I say makes a dang bit of difference.

And maybe it's just me, but I did feel just the slightest bit ridiculous addressing the situation while wearing sock monkey slippers.